Yes I’m a dry texter

but it doesn't make me a dry person.

Okay so the verdict is in. It seems I’m guilty of being a dry texter. I’ve asked several of my friends - do you think I’m a dry texter? Without a beat they all replied with a decisive yes.

I was told once, by someone I’d met online, that they were surprised by how friendly I was in real life because of my texting style.

I wondered, why such a big disparity between my digital style of communication and my real life self? How many people have I put off or offended inadvertently from my terse, blunt type and not even realized it.

Honestly I’m quite surprised at myself for my lack of emotion when it comes to texting. I am a writer after all. You’d think my texts would be long, languid and verbose. Instead they’re often short and straight to the point.

When I’m texting I feel like I lack the softness and cushioning that I can create when I’m talking face to face or on the phone to another person.

With regards to sensitive matters, I don’t trust myself to say the right thing over text because I’m aware of my tendency toward dry texting.

Faced with the alphabetical keypad on my phone, a familiar feeling of dread settles over me. The one that shouts, “You’ll never be able to communicate exactly what you mean.” The fear of being misunderstood, or worse, of continually misunderstanding others. The alienation that ensues.

With texting I often feel like I’m just sending messages out into the void, not knowing if I’m going to get one back. I imagine myself writing down a short note, popping it into a cylindrical tube and catapulting it out into space.

The truth is I’m an old fashioned girl and I much prefer a phone call or talking face to face. My closest friends and I often catch up on the phone and will talk for hours, even when we live in the same neighborhood.

There is an immediacy to it that soothes me. I can say something to another person and get instant feedback. The tone of their voice gives me a lot more context and if I am unsure about something, I can ask for clarity in that moment.

A hey how’s it going text, responded by a good! how are you? literally makes me want to tear my hair out. It is vague, it tells me nothing. But if I call you, you can tell me exactly how you are, what you’ve been up to, how you feel about things.

It gives me depth, it gives me more insight. I want to know because I care. I want to know because I am curious. I want to examine things with my friends, ponder with them about all the corners of life and the layers of being a human.

Honestly even now as I analyze the reasons that I get frustrated by texting, I wonder - is it me? Am I the problem?

Perhaps instead of making excuses for my dry texting and complaining about how “technology has ruined communication” like an old crotchety person, I should be practicing more thoughtful ways to craft my messages.

Rather than avoiding texting out of anxiety, maybe I should lean into it so I can get better at this form of communication.

Instead of anticipating someone not understanding me, I could try to get better at expressing myself so they will.

So yes I may be a dry texter, but I promise I’m working on it.