Total Eclipse of the Heart
New moon, new me
Hey everyone,
I know it’s been a moment since my last newsletter. Honestly, I felt a little stuck in knowing how to express myself for a while. I wrote a whole newsletter I did not publish because I felt too in my head about it.
But before I get into it, I just wanted to let you know a few things. I will be performing in Los Angeles on May 5 at Lodge Room and tickets are available here.
Also in case you missed it I released a new song called Jesse and music video which you can stream here
On Monday as you all know there was a solar eclipse which ushered in a new moon in Aries. Mercury also went into retrograde April 1st so it’s been a fairly intense time cosmically.
While some people got to experience the physical act of the moon obscuring the sun for a few minutes and near total darkness in the middle of the day, I totally missed the eclipse in sunny LA while driving to a session.
To be honest I think I was hiding out from the eclipse hoping its emotional magnitude would not reach me if I did not witness it.
I did not however manage to succeed in that respect and was an emotional wreck that evening, bawling my eyes out while watching Juno and dealing with my monthly hormonal hijacking us women are so blessed to receive.
Sometimes you just have to surrender to the emotional surge and let go - this is all part of the eclipse energy.
The truth is I am not always a very emotional person; I tend to store those away in some hidden part of my brain where I cannot access them until I get to a point where I do not have any more space to contain them.
At that point there is nowhere else for the feelings to go but spilling out in the form of a good cry or maybe an anxiety attack or something dramatic.
It’s kind of like when I let my clothing pile get to a place where it is so big that one more item will topple the whole thing and I will have to spend a day actually dealing with the mess and putting everything in its proper place.
And then afterwards I feel like a new person.
The day after the eclipse I felt like I was totally void of emotion, like I had cried everything out I could possibly feel and in its place there was a distinct absence of feeling.
Oh the intricacies of being a human.
From what I’ve read about this eclipse it is supposed to make way for new changes, massive growth and letting go of all the things that don’t serve you.
Sometimes I feel like I have made massive strides in my personal growth journey, and other times I feel I have regressed back to a twenty two year old version of myself who still hasn’t learned some fundamental lesson she has to re-learn over and over again.
To be self aware enough of your patterns and yet still fall into the cycle of continuing them is its own kind of personal hell.
I try to be kind and remind myself that changes take time and are incremental. I see my progress in small gestures that add up over time.
Learning how to say no to something even when I am worried about letting someone down.
Having a hard conversation instead of avoiding it.
Spending more time alone with my thoughts instead of getting distracted in other more desirable activities.
Prioritizing investing in myself over investing in others.
Being honest to myself about what I truly want.
There have been times in my life where I have felt I was living on auto pilot and not being the most present version of myself, just kind of going through the motions and getting from A to B.
And then there have been highly transformative times where I am just experiencing so much life in such a short amount of time that it can be overwhelming and intoxicating and devastating and extremely life affirming.
I am in the latter phase right now and it feels sometimes like a roller coaster ride I can’t get off, but at the same time I feel so lucky to be a human capable of feeling all these things and the adventure of diving head first into experiences.
When I am old I want to feel like I did all the things I wanted to, for better or worse, and learned many lessons along the way.
While the past few weeks I have been noticing my proclivity toward nesting at home and indulging in my introverted tendencies, I have also felt a giant release of the creative block that had a stranglehold on me for the past few months.
Maybe it is the arrival of Spring but I feel inspired again and the urge to create is more immediate than ever.
Perhaps in the act of surrendering, we allow space for new energy to come into our life and transform us and take shape through our artistic endeavors.
Taking time out can be just as important a part of the process. Capitalize on the moments you feel inspired and take a break when you feel burnt out. Trust that the energy will be there when the time is right.
I have been in a scattered place lately. I also attribute some of it to hormones as well. Also some to aging and growing . But one thing that always makes me feel a little bit better through the process is your music. So, thank you for working through your own things so that you can create music to help your listeners through their things. ❤️